I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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