I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Randomize
