Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Everclear isn't food dammit
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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