my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
