My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.