I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
