dude i'm inner monologue high
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...