Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
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We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
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FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.