Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name