The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
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I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra