Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink