YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
