shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
