can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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