His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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