I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Just pee around me
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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