I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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