apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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