He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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