Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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