thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
