i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
