Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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