she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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