It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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