dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
