I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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