You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
