I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
tequila makes me forget i have legs
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Found your dick twin last night
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
