he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
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