He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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