no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
