bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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