know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
