you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
