Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
