yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
