you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
