First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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