I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
