Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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