the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
