can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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