NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
