I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
