is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
