Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
