I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
