Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
