I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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