I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
