We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
