my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
