mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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