I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
is wine microwaveable?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
