I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
