i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
