I'd wear matching sweaters with you
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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