Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
