TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?