I think my vagina is haunted
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
