The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
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