It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You may now shotgun with the bride
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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