My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
