I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
