trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
