ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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