Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
