Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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